My heart has been broken a lot and I used to be really bitter and sad and broken over it. Now, I’m not. I am thankful. Especially to the two men the broke my heart the most. My ex-husband broke my heart over and over again, a countless amount of times. My ex-boyfriend broke my heart so devastatingly that I never thought I would recover. But I did, and I am thankful.
Over the past 2 to 3 years I have truly struggled. I now look back on that time and those struggles proudly. I look in the mirror proudly. I look within proudly. I have saved myself, I have found myself, I have grown and conquered and I have become so unapologetically me. And don’t get me wrong, I am nowhere near done. I want to keep living, keep growing, keep loving.
I have been single for a good two years now. I almost fell for someone once or twice within those two years but nothing or no one has stuck. I have broken down and cried a more than healthy amount and I don’t regret a moment of it. The fact that I can still love, that I still even entertain the idea of love is my biggest accomplishment. Part of that… my very favorite part is that I have learned about different types of love. I have a deep understanding now of what it means to love people who are not your significant other. I was always so obsessed with being in love that I didn’t pay enough attention to the other loves in my life; my family and friends and of course; myself. I neglected those loves and that was a huge oversight on my part.
So, this is why I am thanking the two men that broke my heart so often and so devastatingly. I am thankful for every break because I believe that it has allowed more room and more give to this scarred heart of mine. I feel like when my family and friends and I put my heart back together we made it so that it was no longer like glass; no longer fragile and unforgiving but more like… an ocean, to be honest with you. You can’t see the end. My love crashes down onto the shore of everyone I meet and love. Constantly moving, no end in sight. I just love. And I am so fucking thankful for it.
I’m single now and instead of constantly worrying about when I will find “the one” I am writing, painting, taking photos, reading, exploring weird and spiritual avenues, having deep conversations at 1 am, and living the life I missed out on in my twenties and loving every second of this beautifully crazy life. I won’t lie, I want to find a true and romantic kind of love and I want it to be so real and so deep and I want it to be forever this time but I can wait. We will come together when the time is just right and it will be worth every second of waiting.
For now, I will focus on loving me and all the people I am lucky enough to have in my life, and loving life in general. I hope that my clarity, my calm and my love touches the hearts and souls of those around me. I honestly and deeply hope it spreads like wildfire because it is a beautiful and fulfilling feeling to love unconditionally.
Namaste, my friends. Keep your head up and your heart open.