The purpose of this post is to break my silence.
I miss writing. I miss happiness. And most of all, I just miss me.
So, here it goes; in the simplest terms:
– About a year ago I was very deeply in love with someone.
– I truly believed he was the missing piece, he was the reward for all of my struggles and disappointments. I could see our whole future, it was beautiful and I wanted that future with him so badly that I was so terrified I was going to lose it.
– Things happened. I became very depressed and unaware of what was going on with me.
– He disappointed me. I forgave him. We moved forward.
– He disappointed me again. I forgave him. We moved forward.
– He disappointed me. We talked it out, I felt good about the talk. I felt like we were growing as a couple.
– He broke up with me very shortly after that conversation… Right after my shitty 30th birthday, right before our anniversary, shortly after he used words like “soul mate” and said things like “I think we will get married before any of my friends do” and “as long as I’m with you, I’m happy”.
You don’t need to know the rest right now. I won’t make you read through the cringeworthy, gut wrenching details. Just know that the last year of my life has been the most tumultuous year of my life. This was the hardest, most confusing, embarrassing, heart shattering break up I have ever experienced. I’m still confused, still heartbroken, still struggling but I fucking love the bad ass bitch that is emerging from the rubble that was left in the wake of this earthquake, tsunami, armageddon bullshit my life and I have been since the day he decided to murder our future and completely destroy me.
I have experienced the darkest days of my life. I will share that with you. And I will share how I managed to overcome life threatening depression without medication.
And, I’m dating. A lot. I have changed. A lot.
I will share this with you.
Here’s to growth, surviving,and sharing our stories!